Moral of the story : Don’t lie to your kids

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One day a kid was sitting at home waiting for his relatives to come over. He overheard his parents fighting with each other yelling “YOU BITCH” “YOU BASTARD”.

Being so young, the kid had never heard those words before and asked his parents what they meant. They replied by saying “Bitch means lady and bastard means gentlemen”. Satisfied with this answer the boy went to his room.

Then he heard the neighbors having sex. They were repeating the words “DICK and “CUNT” over and over and over. Again, the boy was curious and asked his parents what those words meant. Thinking fast, his mother said “Dick means coat and cunt means jackets.”

Once again the boy was satisfied with the answer and headed to the bathroom, but his father was shaving and the boy had to wait. Fearing that the boy might wet himself, the father shaved faster. He went a little to quick and ended up cutting himself, “SHIT!!!!!” he yelled. “What’s shit mean daddy,” the boy asked . The father, stuck for an answer said, “it means shaving cream.”

The boy did his “business” and his dad went back to shaving. His next stop was the kitchen, there he saw his mother preparing the turkey. As she reached for a knife she ended up cutting herself. “AW FUCK!!”, she yelled. “What’s fuck mean mommy”, the boy asked. “It means stuffing the turkey.”

Finally, the guest arrived, the boy went to the door and said, “Hello bitches and bastards, may I take your dicks and cunts? Dad’s in the bathroom putting shit on his face and Mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey!

 

 

Have you ever watch TV program called “Kids say the darndest thing”. I really love that program very much. Below are some of the examples (but this is Malaysia version)

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PART I

Cikgu Nasyor sedang mengendali kelasnya dalam aktiviti sukan di padang sekolah. Seperti biasa, Cikgu Nasyor akan menyuruh murid²nya melakukan regangan otot. Tiba di satu bahagian, dimana murid² baring dan mengangkat kaki lalu menggerakkannya seperti sedang mengayuh basikal. Cikgu Nasyor asyik memerhati seorang muridnya yang pada mulanya menggerakkan kakinya tiba² memberhentikan kakinya. Lalu Cikgu Nasyor menyergah muridnya yang bernama Mat.

Cikgu Nasyor: “Woiiii Mat, apa sebab kau berhenti ni hah”

Mat : “Oh Cikgu Nasyor, basikal saya tengah turun bukit Cikgu, sebab tu saya berhenti.Takkan nak kayuh jugak.”

 

PART II

Waktu sekolah telah tamat. Sebelum keluar kelas, Cikgu Nasyor telah bertanya kpd murid²nya.

Cikgu : Siapa nak masuk/pergi syurga?

Semua murid mengangkat tangan kecuali Mat lalu Cikgu Nasyor pun bertanya,

Cikgu : Mat, kenapa awak tak nak pergi/masuk syurga?

Mat : Mak saya kata lepas habis sekolah, terus balik rumah..jangan pergi mana-mana.

 

PART III

Cikgu Nasyor sedang mengajar Bahasa Melayu dalam kelas 1 Mawar…

Cikgu : Mat, boleh kamu buat ayat dengan menggunakan perkataan tepong?

Mat : Itu senang saja cikgu.. ayatnya ialah…. emak sedang membuat kek di dapur.

Cikgu : Mana tepungnya??

Man : Tepung kan ke dalam kek tu…. Cikgu nie tak sekolah ke hape??

 

PART IV

Cikgu Nasyor : Joe, cuba terangkan apakah tugas akar pokok pisang?

Joe : Untuk mencari makanan, cikgu

Cikgu Nasyor : Bagus! Sekarang giliran Wati pulak. Apakah tugas batang pokok pisang?

Wati : Untuk membawa makanan yang dicari akarnya, cikgu.

Cikgu Nasyor : Bagus! Sekarang giliran Mat pula. Apakah tugas daun pisang?

Mat :untuk membungkus nasi lemak, cikgu…

Cikgu Nasyor : uii… lagi bagus… berdiri atas meja sampai habis kelas..

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